Hello all.
Me again.
I'll be honest, I've been really stressed out the past couple of days.
So, if you're not in the mood to be brought down or hear one of my repeating complaints, then skip today's post or read the flash fiction story I've posted after this.
I made a post the other day on all of my social media stating that I hate it when things do not happen or do the opposite and I begin losing progress. No, this is not progress that is happening in places that I cannot see. I can clearly see my lack of progress with a variety of tools at my disposal. That lack of progress is starting to drain me immensely.
I've been reading articles a lot lately, trying to get some kind of inspiration to start taking action but the articles just start stressing me out more and, somehow, make me think my work isn't good enough. This is, unfortunately, a common problem among many artists and I realize now that I have a thing called "creative depression", no that's not a legitimate medical diagnosis. I'm getting off topic here. Long story short, I'm very stressed out and I can't seem to find an answer as to why. A week ago I was super excited for each of my upcoming books, now I wonder if they'll even be worth my time to publish.
Which brings me to my next little rant.
Social Media
No matter how hard I feel I try, I cannot grow in any aspect of my life; in fact, the more I try, the more progress I lose, it seems. I don't fucking understand it (pardon my language, but "fucked" seems to be a good summary of my mental state).
Twitter. Remember how happy I was to have exceeded my Facebook page's follower count? I peaked at 231 followers on Twitter and the day after I posted my blog post, I kid you not, I plummeted down to 218 followers. At the time of writing this, I now have 215 followers. So, essentially, something that took me three months to accumulate vanished in two days time. People would follow me, wait until I followed them back (networking and all), and then just unfollow me. That is some pretty frustrating stuff.
Facebook. Is literally the same it has been for the past year, with brief moments where I LOSE likes, it never grows and always ends up breaking even. To be honest, this is probably my most loyal and active social media community and where most of you beautiful readers stem from.
YouTube. The moment I stop taking it seriously, it grows. The moment I start taking it seriously, I lose all progress I make. I do everything all these "how-to" articles and videos say to do and NOTHING works. I try to do something corny and funny, nothing, I try to make a serious video, nothing, I push my videos everywhere I can, still nothing. Again, for the eightieth time, I hate dedicating so much time and effort into something only for it to completely backfire.
Instagram. I just hate the whole platform and what it encourages and rewards. What more can I say?
My biggest disappointment this month was when Born Again was free for five days. I pushed it hardcore on Twitter and Instagram, considering most of my Facebook followers already had a copy of their own and accumulated a little over thirty downloads... the worst free promotion I have ever run. Like, it's free. People like the posts about the promotion, but can't be bothered to click a link? I know I might upset some people with complaining about nobody downloading my book, but I say again, if I wrote it strictly for myself, I would not publish it.
Reviews
There is also one thing that has plagued my writing life since I started and that is reviews. Amazon puts far too much emphasis on reviews. I appreciate everyone who has read and/or reviewed the books, I apologize if this rant seems to be directed at you; it's not. I understand that life can be crazy sometimes and not everyone can spare the time to give a review (especially given Amazon's picky review sorting system).
This rant is directed at the 111 review sites/blogs I gave my books to for free that claimed they would get back in touch with me a year and a half ago. Seriously, fuck you. If you hated the book, then say that. I just want something you know? Otherwise, why am I wasting my time and resources in giving my books to you? If it's because you don't have enough time, then tell me that, don't lie to me and make me feel like a fool.
I gave my books to a grand total of 113 websites/blogs and only two got back to me (which I greatly respect both of them for). Honestly, I stopped sending my books to reviewers because of the 111 websites giving me the run around. I get more reviews from strangers who stumble upon my books than from websites whose JOB is to review and connect with authors/artists/filmmakers/etc. Again, I would prefer to know that someone hated my book rather than just leave me in silence, wondering if I'll ever hear from them again.
Out of 113 websites/blogs I sent my books to, I had one get back in touch with me stating they were completely booked and wouldn't have time to read and review my novel until next year; I had another one actually read and review my first book and that site was gbhbl.com. Thank you, GBHBL again, and thank you even more so for the awesome review, and I'm very glad you enjoyed the book! (see the in depth, well woven review here: https://gbhbl.com/horror-book-review-never-forgive-me-never-forget-me-by-kyle-atwood/).
Conclusion
Sorry, but when I rant on here, it honestly makes me feel better, helps me hone my writing skills, helps me identify the feelings I'm having and eliminate them, and update my blog as well.
So, if you're one of my readers, know that this was not at all directed at you. I appreciate you so much, I wouldn't dare say a bad thing about you. I am more frustrated with people exploiting others and not growing in any aspect of my life.
Again, this post was not directed towards you, my dearest reader.
I guess I'm just an existential nihilist and I'm having a hard time accepting that.
That's all, guys.
As always,
stay rotten, everybody.
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